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I've cried three times in the last two days. I have a few theories as to why this phenonema is happening to me.
The Math Theory
Today I got back my calculus test. D. Unbelievable! I have never recieved such a humiliating grade in math. Ever! I've tried to shrug it off, because nobody cares about the first semester, but no. My mind just keeps going back to what a failure I am and I cry. According to my Meyer-Briggs 16 variable test, I do have a tendancy to dwell on my failures and not give myself enough credit on my successes. Well hell. Dwelling sucks.
The Friends Theory
I'm just really missing all my friends from St. Mary's and home. Nobody comes close as to being as awesome as SMA girls. Yes, there are SMA girls here, but I'm just not very close to them/don't like them. Right now I just feel like talking to a good, close friend but I don't have any here yet. It makes me feel very alone sometimes.
The Hair Theory
My hair has gone from very straight to extremely curly in 12 hours. I read somewhere that the texture of your hair depends on some kind of hormone change. So I guess I have raging hormones. Great. About four years late, guys.
The Date Theory
Guy likes girl. Girl like guy. Guy asks girl on a date. Girl freaks out.
That was a simplified version on mine and my friend Scott's relationship. We've been friends since the beginning of school and that's all I thought it was. Completely platonic. Except on Monday he... well, let me set the scene.
We had been hanging out for a few hours, just talking and doing homework together in my dorm. Then we sat down to watch the Office on his computer. It wasn't working very well. It kept catching and skipping. It really frusturated Scott, which made me laugh. At one point he gave up and layed his head down on my shoulder and I tousled his hair and said some encouraging words. Later, he was leaving and I was walking him out of my dorm, teasing him and his Office troubles and laughing his antics. He was standing up and I was sitting on the banister to the stairs. He abruptly asked "Sarah, can I ask you something?" in a weirdly serious tone. Dubiously I asked, "what is it?" Then he got all cute and shy and started shuffling around as he asked "do you want to go out sometime? Like to dinner?" At this point, it happened to abruptly and randomly I just asked to clarify, "are you asking me out on a date?" and he just said yeah.
What was running through my head at this point? Well, I was blushing. Also, basically freaking out. Yes, I like him. He's cute and friendly and easy to talk to... which is basically a description of a Golden Retriever, but the gist is that we really go good together. I had just never considered the idea of us being something other than friends.
But I agreed to go on a date with him. But this is very stressful for me. I do NOT want a boyfriend. College is my lover, if you appreciate metaphor. Anyway, I don't know how to tell him that I feel uncomfortable that, although I do like him, I don't want to ruin our friendship. Things are a little weird between us now, and I know it's all me. I think he senses something a little amiss about my yes, but I haven't told him how I feel. I think that will help but I don't know how to bring it up. So, yeah. Lots of stress.
I need a hug.
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